Monday, March 8, 2010

The green-eyed monster in blogland

 
Jealousy image courtesy of The Situationist
This week, Megan, Joni and I discussed that bugaboo of blogland: Jealousy. In reality, we're more discussing Envy - which is the desire for something someone else has, rather than Jealousy, which is the fear of loss to another of what we do have. Either way, we've all likely had those nasty little thoughts creep in. We know it's not right or good for us, but it certainly is human. This conversation was based on a blog post on Blogher by Loralee Choate called Hey Jealousy: Every Blogger was a Newbie Once.

Care to share your jealous moments?
       

                       
   
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83 comments:

vignette design said...

So interesting that this is the second time I've read something about "blog jealousy." For me, I am sometimes envious that someone has so much more going on than I do, but that is the way life is anyway. I started blogging because after a year of reading Cote de Texas's blog, my son said, "Mom, you could have a blog too!" What? Me? So, Joni, you were who I looked up to, not envy. Sort of like blog inspiration.
Envy? Maybe sometimes when someone starts out all young and fresh and within 3 weeks has over 500 followers. That's more just amazement!
I'm interested to hear what others feel about this subject.

VC said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
VC said...

I guess there are many levels of jealousy,unfortunately some can be negative, and I think this rests entirely on one's character. It's human nature to feel even the slightest touch of it, but the crucial part is how one would respond to it. I'm new with blogging, not in a design profession (my regrets, now Im jealous of you) but am in the medical field.I'm just so passionate about older objects incorporated in a design scheme. I've just recently expressed this through blogging (gotta have it)and shop, kinda like 'coming out of the closet' sort of way. So I'm one of those many newbies.

BTW, I've been trying to get access to the podcast with Jackie Von Tobel, but it leads me to another blog.

You may say this is self promotional, but you are truly inspirational. Thanks for touching the topics on blogging etiquette and copyrights, among others. More power to you!

Acanthus and Acorn said...

If you all never got another guest booked, I would be quite happy just to listen to you chat like today!

The envy question: just as I enjoy each of your very different blogs on different days, for either the topic, my time, or my mood that has served me when I am reading all the different blogs as well.

And, I am guessing perhaps partly because I am so new and unaware, that envy hasn't crept in except maybe in the case of those you mentioned and it's more like awe!

If the Energizer Bunny was a person, it would be Lauren and have told her so! :) Her dedication to the blog and her home are amazing and I admire it! And I too have very recently discovered LGN and she is another energetic dynamo. Both these gals work hard and post often!

I am still finding my way with my own blog as well as trying to view many others, but already have some favorite reads. I am also in agreement, that it is ok not to feel an obligation to comment evey time, but just have consideration and "etiquette" in the back of your mind especially if you are NOT a big blogger! Just take a moment every now and then to be polite. All 3 of you have been so thoughtful and it has been noticed and greatly appreciated!

Oh, and Megan, I have not been able to get my head around the appeal of American Idol!

Visual Vamp said...

Absolutely hysterical (in a good way).
Off to write about you all on my anon blog.
xo xo

Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality said...

Good topic to discuss. I had already read that post too & it was interesting. I think we've all dealt with this, I know I certainly have. I've been at this for 3 years now & Joni, I think you & I started at the same time. There are so many niches out there. I've done fairly well in my niche & have a lot of followers, but there are always bigger blogs than mine out there & will always be. That's just the nature of blogging. I have to step back & really be grateful for what I have accomplished & for the milestones I have achieved in blogging & really be thankful instead of concentrating on whose blog is bigger and who is getting to do what on their blog.

The blog world is a strange one, it can bring out the best in people AND the worst. I've never gotten any major newspaper press & probably never will & that's OK. I'm just a lowly decorator, trying to make a difference in the lives of those who read my blog, so my focus is helping women do a better job with their homes & give them tools & ideas to achieve that. So, the press coverage may never come & I may never be the hot topic of design world on the internet & that's fine with me. I make my own little stamp in the blogworld. :)

Red Door Home said...

Very interesting and informative. I am a newbie (my blog is less than a year old). Joni left a comment on my blog soon after I had begun and it made a lasting impression on me and my opinion of the blogging world. Here was someone who had a huge following and she took the time to visit my blog. I was so excited and she made me feel like what I was doing was worth pursuing. I have looked at other blogs and wondered how they have gotten to were they are but have discovered it is probably due to lots of hard work.

Megan said...

Interesting thoughts - my blogs (except one) I write primarily for myself - so my audience level of followers probably reflects that (ha! ha! ha!)
I am not really into self-promotion, I would find it too exhausting - maybe it's an introvert/extrovert thing? Subsequently I am not really jealous of the blogs I read - I feel blessed by all the talent and cleverness out there - it's like enjoying your friends.
The only thing I don't like is when people self-edit so much that you get the impression their life is sooooo perfect that it possibly has its own movie soundtrack. That's why everyone loves Mr Slipper-socks - he's Joni's little slice of 'real' but in a light hearted humorous way.
Anyway keep it up gals - love to listen in!

JeanetteS said...

When jealousy creeps into my life, I remind myself I am blogging and sharing what I am passionate about and try to remain focused on what I'm writing.

It's not just jealousy that impacts emotions, it is negativity. We are opening up our world to others with our blogs and whether they are popular or not, the best thing I have learned is to be true to yourself because your blog is a reflection of yourself.

Connecting with other bloggers, particularly with those you share common interests with is rewarding. Yet I understand the challenges we all face in managing our time. I am respectful of that and understand that if Jon Bon Jovi has not commented on my blog lately, I will survive, or try to ;-)

Learning how to handle relationships & etiquette as a result of blogging is an ongoing process. Recognition is something we all want at some point which is why it is so important to believe in yourself and keep writing.

Kudos to the 3 of you for touching on a sensitive subject.

Terry said...

I'm mostly jealous of the big bucks everybody else must be raking in.

But we're all in awe of talent. The thing about the blogs is that it's difficult to be dishonest, or deceitful over the long term. You'd get found out.

It's not fun to feel jealous but we know the felling every single day. It's part of the motivation to compete. Whatever the motivation, we admire folks who work hard developing and exploiting their talents. And the way to win at blogging is to give folks something they value.

I'm jealous of and grateful for the SRT. The online conversation is easy to find in politics and sports. Who but the SRT could apply it to design? It's a breath of fresh air where the old model is top down: Magazine articles that take months to produce. Fans almost camped by the mailbox waiting for a handful of pictures in their favorite magazine.

Jenny at LGN said...

Oh my gosh, I am SO flattered! This really made my day! Thank you so much for the mention.

I was cracking up at the "you know, the girl who had a baby on her ottoman" comment. So embarrassing! :)

This was such an interesting discussion here about jealousy. I was talking with a blogger friend, who has a very popular blog, about this same issue a few weeks ago and she told me that every time she gets jealous when reading other design blogs, she says to herself "Others' successes do not diminish mine." She said it helps her to be able to just be happy for other blogger friends and not be so jealous.

Also, I have to admit that I felt a little guilty when I listened to the part about commenting and blogger etiquette. I am so, so bad at commenting. I think it's that I read all my (many, MANY) blogs through google reader and leaving a comment requires many more clicks and page loads than I have time for, sadly. Maybe I should contact Google and ask them to add a comment box to the reader feeds?

Anyway, thank you again for all the kind words. Great podcast.

hugs,
jenny

Karena said...

Of all the Skirted Rountable discussions, I have to say this one was most interesting and in many ways really hit home.

I am an artist with interior design aspirations or leanings as always I've been told I could be a great interior designer. My art site IS promotional and I truly think that all professional sites are.

My envy has been when I see professionals like Joni put so much work and history into their posts. Megan you always make me think, laugh, and aspire to be better. Linda, you are the best and I love the way you can segue from a Schnabel Grammercy Park design to A most fabulous Degas painting.

I feel envious because I cannot seem to figure out how to work Google Analytic and get a correct count?!?

In Kansas City we have a favorite friend and blogger who is a famed writer for Spaces KC, is featured in many publications, and is mom to a brood of three raucous boys!! Talented beyond!! Envious yes!!Only because I wish to find that place in my field and to make people very joyous to acquire my art!

I ask for advice only because I do believe those who are able to; can pay it forward and make that difference as you all have!!

Best Always
Karena

Trell said...

All I can say is that even though I don't know you ladies, I appreciate what you all do with the Skirted Roundtable. I think I've said this before, but I constantly hit the refresh button in iTunes and when nothing happens, I get kind of sad.

I just can't put into words how important SRT is for those studying to be designers. Listening to some of the conversations has been so eye opening. It's like, OMG the things they don't teach you in design school.

Anyway, I admire you all, I think you all rock, and I no matter what anyone says about you, there are people that appreciate what you're doing.

Linda, I think you should be a design professor!

Loralee Choate said...

Since I have the tactile and visual ability of a stick of gum I usually don't venture into the world of design blogs but had to chime in that I loved your distinction between envy and jealousy. People confuse them all the time. (Though in my Internet world, as I am sure is the same in others, there is quite a bit of envy going on as well.)

Luckily, the prevailing emotion is good will and genuine happiness for the success of others. :)

P.S. Your blog name? Adorable.

La Maison Fou said...

Waht an interesting post and topic. I always like to hear it in the background while I am doing other computer things, today it was paying bills.
Seriuously, I am never jealous, but find great humor and learn a lot from all the blogs out there!
It is like life there are all levels of what you want to achieve, blogging is no different.
I did enjoy the post, and the visual imagery from Linda (WOW)!

ENJOY THE DAY LADIES!
Thanks again for another interesting topic!
L.

LIBERTY POST EDITOR said...

The reason I love your radio show so much: 1. You are all brutally honest and authentic. 2. It's like being a fly on the wall and eavesdropping on a coffee hour, tea party or spontaneous wine and cheese on someone's porch. Everyone dreams of being able to be a fly on the wall. (me, I just hold a drinking glass up to my monitor to listen in) 3. I do feel as though we are a family and that I am the Sister who lives abroad and you send me these podcasts for me to hear so I don't feel left out.

About the 'Green Beast' of jealousy/envy: I do believe that most bloggers are type A, ambitious souls who long to be heard, attain some form of recognition - having said that, I also believe we are a competitive bunch - friendly though - and that we will all feel the green beast in the room. I have worked on this in 2.5 years I've been blogging. I've gotten much better at accepting the part Liberty Post plays in this internet world. I remain hopeful and determined to grow my readership and friendships around the world. I love blogging so, mostly because I adore my fellow bloggers.

Thanks Ladies!
xoxox

LIBERTY POST EDITOR said...

Ha ha ha ...Trell...I agree!!!! Linda would be an incredible professor! xo

Pink Martini said...

I have never heard of this phenomenon before and I'm fairly surprised it exists but perhaps it's because I have a small, personal blog with low expectations. :) I have been a subscriber to all three of your blogs for some time now and it was very interesting to hear your perspectives as professional and experienced bloggers. I can't imagine men having this concern or of it even being a blip on their radar screen. Social media certainly is a social experiment and is very interesting to say the least. Good job, ladies!

Ramona said...

Great conversation today ladies! Isn't blogging grand?

Smiles ~ Ramona

Trouvais said...

I love every new SRT more that the last. Love the way each of your unique voices (with or without accents)and personalities come through. On topic...what I most identify with is the problem with overlap. I don't want to follow, I want to be unique. If someone comes out with something I was going to do, I hold back for awhile. That said, we all have our unique way of seeing and presenting a subject. And thank you Joni for being a wee bit jealous of me. Will treasure that...means alot coming from you! Trish

sally @divinedistractions said...

I'm a new blogger...just finished my first week of posting today, and I am in awe of all of you....maybe a little envious that you all have established yourselves and your blogs. I first found Joni last year when there was so much "broo-ha-ha" over the interior design legislation in Texas. Being an educated, but not licensed designer, I was so encouraged and informed by you and your blog. My primary reason forstarting my blog was to be a presence for my own clientele, but what I've discovered is a renewed love for my work because I'm daily inspired by all of the wonderful bloggers out there. You are my teachers and my mentors, and if I'm envious, it's because I want to have the impact that you do. Maybe I will some day.
Sally

Lauren said...

Oh my goodness- I'm so shocked/ flattered that you mentioned me!! It's bedtime now & I'm possibly too excited to sleep. Did you 3 know you have that effect on ppl?

I remember the first time I got comments or emails from the 3 of you (at separate times of course)-- I was beyond thrilled so that should tell you who most of us out here are jealous of ;)


Anyway, great topic & it really touches home. I've been struggling with the guilt of not replying very much lately & feeling like I'm letting people down when I can't respond. I've been reading but not able to comment on most blogs b/c there's always a kid in hand... but I do feel terrible because I know how much hearing from readers does for me & wish I could reciprocate.

On another note, I took anons off my blog & I know it's totally a wimp move but I'll admit, I'm too sensitive to handle the neg remarks when they're coming from anons. (if someone puts their name to a comment, I'm sooo ok with anything neg bc it just seems to come from a better place... maybe a more constructive one.)

I too am in total awe of everything jenny from LGN does. She's just amazing.

ok, off to bed & thanks for talking about such a touchy subject.

xoxo,
lauren

Julia @ Hooked on Houses said...

Well, I thought my ears were burning. Now I know why! Ha.

I have to say I certainly never meant to step on anyone's toes by writing about movie houses! I apologize if I did. I think we all approach the topic differently, though. I'm a writer and researcher, not a designer. I'm just a nut about movie trivia. I leave the "Get this look at home" types of posts to you experts. :-)

I struggle with envy every day, wishing I could write like this blogger, get as many comments as that blogger, get the kind of recognition of another one. But it always comes down to being ourselves, doing what we do best, and being content with that, doesn't it? That's what I tell myself, anyway!

Another great discussion at the SRT!

Paul Anater said...

That was outstanding ladies. You three have more interesting, useful blogging support and information in your podcasts than every problogger-wannabee-social-media-guru put together.

Anonymous said...

Great discussion. I would have liked to hear a little more about the egos that seem to consume the blog world. If a blogger post on a designer, a design element or a job and doesn't get 100% positive comments, the world is assumed to have come to an end. Yet, one of you mentioned you like Decorno because it is discussion oriented. Wouldn't it be justified to ask yourselves if discussion is more valuable than have comments that only feed the ego?

Jeannine @ Small and Chic said...

What a great discussion.

In my head, I separate the design blog crowd into a Varsity and a JV. You ladies and others who have been blogging for many years are the Varsity. I'm not jealous of you at all. You are all inspirational.

I think there might be jealousy within the groups. It's hard to see a "peer" (someone who started at the same time as you, someone who has a similar style/set of projects) get comments from the "Varsity" bloggers or get companies contacting them with giveaway items. After doing some giveaways, I'm kind of glad I don't have to deal with all that, though. I have a job that is a lifestyle and a blog for that job that is more time consuming than my little decor blog. :)

By the way, an issue to discuss in the future might be the balance between original content and "inspirational" content. I think Joni strikes a nice balance between posts that show us pictures that have been published elsewhere and then posts that show things specific to her life or her work.

Michelle said...

Well...I'm jealous of you three ladies for making this look so easy!!! I'm creating my video series, and it's so difficult and time consuming! I so appreciate the work you put into this.

Great topic to take on. The conversation has become so easy for ya'll.

Makes me want to go back and comment on all of my commenters' blogs, as the first time I got one from Joni, I thought about it all day...can you imagine? I mean I know it's Joni, but I'm a freakin 44 year old woman acting 16! lol

Every blog is so different, that's why my blogroll has grown, but admittingly, I am just a lurker on some. I have to start commenting more.

Have a great weekend ladies! Another great cup of jo.

Best,
Michelle

Alison from MyDesignDreams said...

I cannot emphasize enough how this podcast spoke to me today. I just started a new blog a few months ago
(http://wwwmydesigndreams.com) and have been SO inspired by so many blogs out there (shout-out to Lauren @purestylehome!) and every day when I sit down to troll blog-land the jealousy starts to build up. I read blogs that reference each other, link to each other and comment on each others blogs. It's like a club I so desperately want to be in! I am still waiting for the post where I get ONE comment from someone that is not a friend or part of my family! (Yes... I am in that stage...). And I so want a large readership, want my blog to be on other bloggers blog roll lists... my wish list could go on and on.

But the truth is I admire so many bloggers out there, their style, writing, their success...and sometimes that admiration turns green! The only thing I can do is keep up MY blog... keep getting my name out there however I can and hope that readers will come. We all do this blog-thing because it makes us feel good about ourselves, productive in our day and helps with our own design journeys and inspiration. Right?!

*part with shameless self-promotion*

check out my blog to learn more about me!
http://www.mydesigndreams.com

PS: I love this podcast and plan on adding the button to my blogs' sidebar!

vicki archer said...

Girls...When are you coming over to see me so we can chat some more?? If I had free air tickets I would invite you all to stay so we could talk at length uninterrupted... ...Fabulous programme. xv

vicki archer said...

Girls...When are you coming over to see me so we can chat some more?? If I had free air tickets I would invite you all to stay so we could talk at length uninterrupted... ...Fabulous programme. xv

The Shiny Pebble said...

Fun one, y'all.

laney said...

...perhpas because i am not a blogger...but a very curious lurker...i find this all very disturbing...for i fear women have found a new place(one that is so personally isolated)of feeling inferior...are women sitting at home alone in front of computers regressing to memories of truly hurtful teenage years...men would never do this...why do we..why are we still counting our value by numbers of people who like us...and numbers based on no true personal contact...i understand the business end of the dilema...the women wanting to make money...but there is something deeper here...and it just makes me sad...

FrenchGardenHouse said...

Great discussion! If you go see Vicki, I want to go too. Seriously, this hit close to home for me. I have been feeling so badly about not being able to respond personally to the comments on my blog, but between having a business, a life, and at least taking the time to answer all the emails the blog elicits, I'm plumb out of time each day. I have thought about taking the comments OFF my blog, for this reason, but so far haven't liked that thought too much.

I'm envious of women who seem to be able to do it all, and knit up a few hours of extra time for themselves. Lidy

Paul Anater said...

Laney,

As a man and as a blogger, the topics and dynamics discussed on the Skirted Round Table this week have nothing to do with gender. All people, regardless of genitalia, wrestle with self-doubt and the need to be liked. Just as all people confront it, all people have to deal with it in order to get on with their lives.

Thanks.

The Boese Family said...

You ladies are all fabulous! Thanks for letting us in on your thoughts and "jealousies". I had to giggle a couple of times, especially at the "she had a baby on an ottoman". Y'all kill me! And Joni, you should totally start Cote de Snarky. I would read it...and comment. :) Keep up the wonderful work.

Room Service ~ Decorating 101 said...

I loved this post. I have never thought that I felt jealous, however, I have felt not good enough. I am a lazy blogger, I admit, I don't spend hours on blogging, ever! I mostly like the pictures and that is what I show. I do feel that I am missing alot living in this small town, I do feel jealous that people around here do not pay for decorating like they do in the larger cities and blogging has made me so aware of that. I wish I could write like lola b... she can do a post on a cupcake and I will read every word...

laney said...

...paul i am going to think seriously about what you have said...and i thank you for taking the time to give me that to ponder...i am most likely the oldest person posting...so perhaps i am coming from a different place...in any event whether it is the rather anonymous land of the blog...or the everyday world of life...i pray that we all can come to a place of learning from one another(and having a whopping good time as we do)without too much comparison and without too much validating ourselves by numbers...now joni forgive me for this too peronal note on your perfectly wonderful blog!

Paul Anater said...

I second that emotion Laney!

Cindy Sue said...

When I put a blog up for the first time a couple of years ago, I must admit there was a pang, but then quickly realized my blog is really, well, for me, and keeping up with you all. When I visit a blog such as yours and you have a lot going on, I smile. Because when their is a lot of what I consider relevant content, that means I have more inspiration to choose from, and then I follow, then add you to my blog list, this way I can keep up with everyone as they post. So I just want to say, Thanks! There are those of us out here that really appreciate you all for what you do and the time you spend doing it.

Anonymous said...

Just as an fyi, I read Cote de Texas, Little Augury, Style Court,
Chinoserie Chic, and Pigtown daily because they are the ones that consistently interest me the most - isn't this what most people do? It goes like this: after about six months of reading blogs you sort of hone in on ones that speak to you - and read those daily - just a thought - I wish I had the discipline and dedication to do a blog but for now I am grateful to those to do it and so well -

Suzanne on St. Simons

lindsay said...

Hi!

I am Lindsay from www.adesignstory.com. I am new the "world of blogging". I don't find myself envious of other posts or styles of blogging so much. I just compare myself to other people's numbers... followers, etc. I have to try to stop and smell the roses.. I AM NEW. I had had so many wonderful new blogging friends encourage me... and then met some that aren't too nice. The blogging world is competitive! I truly value my new blogging friends and am glad to be design buddies with them!

Rue said...

Y'all hit every nail on the head. I've struggled with all of this for so long and then one day I just said "whatever!". I need to just be me and not worry about the rest. After all I'm not in it for fame or fortune, so none of it really matters anyway. It is nice to be loved though ;)

rue

laurie @ bargain hunting said...

Such an interesting post. I'm not very good at self-promoting - it's a foreign language to me. I do, however, normally leave kind comments. I just never considered that to be a self-promoting trait. Your blogs are so out of my league that I could never be jealous of them. I never had a thought that my blog would have more than a few comments, so I'm not expecting huge numbers. Having said that, I'd love to make $8,000 on ads! I, like others have said, will never forget the first time Joni left a comment on my blog! You would have thought I had won the lottery! laurie

Kathysue said...

Hi Ladies, Great discussion and bravo for always keeping it real. I thought for almost a year before plunging into blogland. I have been blogging since Jan. so I am definitely a Newbie. I think jealousy can creep in if our intent is to get more followers, become a big blog, being published etc.etc. I did not start blogging for any of the above. Too much self inflicted pressures. I do it as a creative outlet and it has been so much fun for me. I was surprised at how much I enjoy the writing process, who knew? I love meeting new blog friends. I also enjoy looking at all the different types of blogs. I will admit there are certain ones I do gravitate towards but it is all subjective. I would never put my self worth based on number of visits or followers. I admire those of you who have attained notariety for your efforts and you three are among those on that list. I read a wonderful post on Why we blog. It articulated so beautifully how I felt that it is the only thing on my sidebar. I think it might interest you and your listeners.
http://agiftwrappedlife.blogspot.com/2010/02/blog-birthdayno-mystery-to-me.html I found this discussion truly interesting but must admit was a bit surprised at how many are truly jealous. I think there is plenty of room out there for all of us, or at least I hope so, Kathysue

Millie said...

I've always plugged you gorgeous girls into the kitchen docking station & listened to your wonderful posts in the evening while throwing dinner together. But I've just bought a new car, & it has an i-Pod/bluetooth connector thingie, & so now I can take you everywhere! Today you all went with me up the gorgeous Clare Valley in South Australia to see a client. A famous wine-growing area, we had a really good time, trust me. As it was a long way I caught up on the last 3 podcasts, but it was this last one that had me really transfixed.

Blog envy is a very healthy emotion, I get it all the time. It ensures I don't fall into my comfort zone & go stagnant - long may that feeling reign.

I don't take this whole blogging thing too seriously, so it amazes me that so many delightful people are interested in what goes on behind The Hedge. Even the Man-of-the-House now his own loyal fan base by proxy, just because I 'let' him do a couple of guest posts when I was ill last year. What was I thinking!! Thanks again for the work you all put in to make SRT such a fabulous place to listen & learn, I adore the sense of community you have created.
Millie ^_^

An Aesthete's Lament said...

I am only really jealous of The House of Beauty and Culture. His intelligence is laser like. I wish I would write so succinctly and tartly. Oh, and Hollister Hovey too: she writes extremely well and is extremely focused with her taste and style.

Anna Spiro said...

I very much enjoyed this discussion. I always get envious of those bloggers who can do the wonderful photo collages...I just can't do those!! Whenever I see them I think if only I could do that! Loved hearing your thoughts and your honesty!

Hope you are all well...

xx
Anna

Pemberley said...

I sat back at my desk with my second cup of coffee and nodded my head during the entire discussion. Thanks for this one. I'm a new blogger. I just had coffee with the girls!

Linda Merrill said...

Thanks everyone for sharing your own jealousy bugaboos. I think it shows that we all experience it to a certain degree, but mostly we all just really respect the work everyone puts into their own blogs. Big or small, popular or known only to our own families, they take a lot of time and energy and we all should be proud of ourselves!

Champagne/StitchPoet said...

OMG! I love y'all...totally envious (way better word than jealous) of you all and will be at least one of you in my next life. Thanks for working so hard to put it out there when you have real lives as well... blog on with ya bad bloggin' selves and the world will keep on followin' and thanks for giving those of us that re-blog something to pass along! muah! http://CrushParty.blogspot.com

Marija said...

Bravo ladies. And ditto Linda's last comment.

I'm not one of the cottage ladies, the pink and green ladies or the DIY ladies. I'm just a girl who loves design, loves style, loves parenthood and loves to write. I'm just happy I found a place where I could explore those things and a community of like-minded individuals. I love where I'm at and I'm having a great time! Thanks to the people before me who blazed the trail!

As for the people with bad blog etiquette (in terms of commenting), I do think time is a major factor. It stands to reason that people who put in a lot of time on their posts, presumably have less time to comment around and vice versa. There is only a finite amount of time in a day to blog. It's the people who intentionally comment on only select blogs - either out of self promotion or perhaps for fear of endorsing someone - that I think is poor form.

Let me put this out there: commenting and supporting people doesn't merely endorse a blog - it endorses this whole process. If there was nobody commenting, visiting, making connections, where would this community be?

Oh and a quick tip - use Bloglovin instead of google reader. You can move from post to post and comment within it (to Jenny's point above). It's free (and no, I don't work for Bloglovin:)

Wonderful. SRT fan for life...

Marija

mary said...

This was a super discussion. It answered so many questions--especially regarding self-promoting. Keep it coming-the three of you are such an inspiration.
Thanks.

Cindy said...

What a great discussion today! I loved every minute of it. I don't think I'm jealous of what others have achieved with their blogs, but I definitely admire what people like Joni has accomplished and Kim, of Dear Daisy Cottage and Leila of course. I love their blogs and I have learned from them. I love the blogging world, so thanks for adding another dimension to it with your discussions.
Hugs, Cindy S.

angela | the painted house said...

Excellent discussion!

Cristin said...

I just found the time to listen to this. You guys had me LOL. Love your honesty about this touchy subject. I am a newbie and at times get caught up in the numbers (comments, readers, etc). I also remember getting comments from other more established design bloggers and was so flattered that they even read my posts... Joni you were one. So thank you all for supporting the newbies!

We love TSR - keep'em coming.

xo,
cristin

HOUND HILL DESIGN said...

SILLY, SILLY FLORIST!!

susan said...

I tend think of jealousy as an ugly emotion. I have envied other blogger's talent, but it takes the form of admiration. Those are different emotions to me. I have noticed that some of the bloggers with the largest readerships tend to be most gracious hostesses--present company included :)

Linda said...

I always feel a little jealous when someone with a blog gets a book deal. That's my dream-being approached to write a book. And maybe a movie deal while I'm dreaming.

Cynthia said...

Great topic ladies, I use to find this between designer's. I post articles about other great designers, other great blogs (such as yours), talented artists and more. I have received great response because I do share creative talents about others. Contact me anytime to publish an article about your particular talents.
We all get there by working together, not against each other.....

pve design said...

You ladies are what such a wonderful "trio" and I love that you opened up this can or "jealously" worms. I was taught early on to never "cheat" and to never "copy" and to aim for originality and your own style.
The top blogs are true to their styles. I like Joni's blog categories. (the mega blogs, the pink and green, the kind blogs, "Summer is a verb" calls me the bloggeratti illustrator. Seriously, I work hard to earn my comments and any title I can gleam!
All I can say is that blogging is one of the best things that happened to me.
pve

Jessica said...

This discussion couldn't have come at a more perfect time as just yesterday I posted for the first time on a blog I started a few weeks ago but then panicked, wondering if this was something I really wanted to get into. The time and ability to provide good, interesting material were the two main culprits that froze me.

After listening to this round table I feel like I've had a Blog tutorial/therapy session, so thank you. I know I'll be tuning into this one again and again for support on this new adventure.

Jane Schott said...

Nice afternoon conversation with you gals. I always try to sit in my favorite chair and listen to your latest SRT discussion.

It was sunny and warm today in my corner as I joined you and enjoyed listening to your thoughts.

Thanks for inviting me.

sandra said...

I actually do feel a bit of envy. Especially when I put so much time and thought into my blog and then I see other blogs that just repost things, or are simply image/inspiration blogs, and they have thousands more visitors than me.

I guess I just have to remember that my blog is just a tool and maybe i need to spend less time on it and focus on other parts of my site.

vosges paris said...

wow that was a really great post to read and so many things seem so true... I think I am quite naive as I never see jealousy or other negative things although people tell me there are.. I alway try to stay myself and being humble and not to brag about things. TO be honest I have been thinking a lweek or so if I should talk about my blog being in a futch interior magazine as it is also a bit weird haha
have a great weekend.
desiree

Anonymous said...

I had the same impression Linda does: that Megan holds herself above the process of self-promotion.

If we're wrong, tell us how, specifically, you promote yourself, Megan.

Anonymous said...

Something I've noticed, in the last year since I discovered design/home blogs, is that this medium is creating *Stars* out of ordinary people who blog. There's always a 'special event' that the *Stars* wouldn't dream of missing (the convention in Nashville, anyone?), or a special project that a few *Stars* are asked to contribute to, or some wonderful and coveted award generally given to a *Star* blogger. And, you just know, only the creme de la creme get to be recognized by national media in some way or another.

Now, none of this is bad, in and of itself; but it may create some egotists, and may foster envy among less popular bloggers who wonder "Why not me? Why is it always that person? Why does she get all the attention?"

I'm just sayin'. I think there are at least a few *Star* bloggers who believe they are just a video away from being the next HGTV host, or Food Network guru. It's certainly how Martha would have done it if the internet had been around when she started.

A medium that has 'followers' is bound to have issues of popularity and cliquishness. It is the nature of the beast you've all created.

Linda Merrill said...

To Anon 3/19 at 9:21 -- I think Megan answered my question which was that she was not against self-promotion, she does it too.

Linda Merrill said...

To Anon 3/20 12:07PM - Possibly you're right, it is a medium that creates stars out of ordinary people. Or, it's a medium that allows "stars" to shine in a manner of their own creation? I think you're absolutely right, Martha would have used blogging to become a star, because she had star power. People don't become stars without having something. Or, if they do, they fizzle out just as fast. Same is true of Reality TV "stars". Rachel Ray started on local community access television. All these mediums allow ambitious people to put themselves out there, without passively waiting to be discovered, or the luck of getting the right agent or having an uncle in the "biz". Good topic for an SRT podcast - what makes a star...

Kristi @ Addicted 2 Decorating said...

Okay, ladies...this was fantastic. I've been meaning to get over here to The Skirted Roundtable for a while now, and have just gotten so busy lately, but I'm so glad I made the time for it today. This was just what I needed to hear. I'll definitely make it a point to tune in regularly from now on.

Kristi @ Addicted 2 Decorating said...

I just remembered something. One of you (sorry, I'm not sure who it was) said something about sending photos to Design Sponge, but never having them published on her blog.

I, too, have sent in several pictures of projects I've worked on. Some went unanswered completely. With others, I received a "We'll consider it" response. But finally...FINALLY...I sent in a project that they liked. It's my all-time favorite project I've done to date, and they liked it too.

Sure enough, it was featured as a Before & After on Design Sponge. I was thrilled.

The problem? The link to my website had a typo in it. lol...I was so disappointed. The readers really loved my project, and yet, not one single person was able to make their way to my blog because of that stupid typo.

It was at that point that I realized that it just really doesn't matter. A little self-promotion is good, but when you start hanging all of your "blogging success" hopes on other successful bloggers, it can become destructive.

The Antiques Diva™ said...

Ladies,
Wow - I'm jealous you've got 67 comments here!!! LOL! Seriously you touched upon a hot topic - a topic most bloggers prefer to keep in the closet and I loved your upfront open approach to the topic.
Toma

Linda Merrill said...

Kristi - that is SO true about not hanging your self-worth on other bloggers. I've had similar issues - twice with the Washington Post!! Once they didn't put my URL in at all and the second time they mis-spelled it, twice!!! So frustrating and you do need to let those things go ultimately. But, congrats for making it onto D*S. She's successful because she has a good eye!

Love Where You LIve said...

I enjoyed listening to the conversation! I agree with some of the others, it was like having coffee with the girls. Except, I was drinking water....Thanks again for sharing! Those who extend a helping hand are rewarded, as in every way of life, right? I think it's called good karma. Look at Joni, whom I know -- and who provided tips and help when I started. I'm still impressed by her generosity, and I thank her. I think she deserves her success, as so many of the A-list bloggers! While it's fun, it does requires dedication. Thanks you three for additional info and tips. best,-susan

Mr. Goodwill Hunting said...

In my opinion some bloggers seem to feel as if they are superstars. When in fact, they are just another individual that has an extracurricular activity thats well noted. I emailed one blogger about 6 months ago commending one of their transformations. Needless to say...I did not get a response. Or an email.

However, some of the more well known bloggers have shown immense compassion and have emailed me regarding a question I had. There are some bloggers who are jealous, because they desire something a little more than they can handle. My blog may be new, but I have been in blog land for years.

Its ok, because one wrong move and you can lose your followers.

I really would like to list the names of the bloggers who think they are above reproach...but its not worth it.

You ladies...are great.


Mr. Goodwill Hunting
http;//g-w-hunting.blogspot.com

Annie Wilcox Designs said...

I am only months into my blog and love every comment that doesn't come from my mother, they alway love what you do. I think just doing it for yourself is enough of a focus. But...it can be hard not to envy others. Visit me anytime, I am learning everyday what works and what doesn't for me. I love this new world and feel empowered by those who have shared themselves with me.

Debbie said...

I am so appreciative of this discussion. I love all your views and opinions you offered. Made me feel better actually. I am a newbie myself. Having a wonderful time and keeping it true to myself. The jealousies are rampant, I see it, I hear it. Clicks galore. I am not in any click, I have a very diverse following, and appreciate truly every comment and view I receive. Blogging needs to be for yourself, the rest will follow. I sometimes find myself overachieving. In three months, I have over 200 posts...ridiculous....slowing down now. And I have commented many times on blogs and do not get the same in return always, yet I may see them comment all over the place. It can be hurtful, but I have to let it roll and not take it personal...Thank you so very much for opening this topic, It really helped me:) Debbie

beachbungalow8 said...

anon 9:21. As Linda said and later in the show I explain, no, I'm not above self promotion. I think I didn't communicate my thoughts on the subject very well, initially.

How do I self promote? For one thing I have a blog and I'm part of the SRT. I also have a blogging event that I produce and put on, here in LA and in SF.

Although it has its roots in an altruistic motivation, I'm not so obtuse as to not see that it promotes my blog at the same time. In fact we discuss self promotion at these events and how it can help. If you're in California, please attend.

If you'd like to discuss self promotion one on one, I encourage you to email me personally.

meganatthebeach@mac.com

Courtney said...

This is a good discussion. I remind myself frequently that I have a lot to learn from the blogs that I really admire and look up to. Jealousy is a problem in life in general, not just in blogs, and we can choose a mindset of a "learner" or we can let constant comparisons eat us up. Thanks for talking about this topic...I hope that people listening can feel affirmed that we each have our own unique voice to share. We can learn, we can improve, but do we really want to be like someone else? I hope not.

Anonymous said...

Im jealous of this this discussion about being jealous! LOL J/J Enjoyed the show and keep of the great work.

JRW III

Holly said...

I stumbled across your blog and love it. Really interesting topic...I do not have blog envy in a bad way..I am a little disorganized - I have not always been this way - just too much happening and I wish I could find more time to blog...to get my blog the way some of the others are - how they look, hosting parties, etc. I enjoy blogging so much!
Holly
504 Main

Centsational Girl said...

I heard a quote once that said "Don't judge your insides by other's outsides." This helps me stay true to who I am when I blog about what I love, regardless of the numbers.

I am equally inspired by several of the ladies you mentioned, including Lauren from PSH, Jenny from LGN, and Layla from TLC who I had the immense pleasure of meeting in Nashville last month as well as the lovely Julia from HOH. These ladies deserve all the accolades they receive for their impeccable style, hard work, and ability to balance it all.

This was a very interesting discussion, and I thank you for hosting. Keep up the good work ladies !

Cindy ~ My Romantic Home said...

This was excellent!!! I still remember the first time a big blogger left a comment on my blog. I jumped up and down I was so happy. I looked at big bloggers like they were celebrities back then! Too funny!

When I find myself getting envious of another blogger I remind myself that I'm in this for the fun of it, not to win a popularity contest. I find that I enjoy blogging so much more when I'm not comparing myself to other bloggers. I think we can drive ourselves crazy if we do that!

Thanks again....great discussion!

Gina @ The Shabby Chic Cottage said...

How in the world I made it this long in blogland without finding your lovely blog is beyond me - but I'm so glad I did. Smart, funny and talented - what's not to be jealous of? :) Seriously, though, love the blog!